to eternity... n beyond....

hey hey ppl... didn't expect me to put up an update so soon yah? haha... neither did i... but juz thought dat i had to put dis up for the sake of.... at least a few ppl...

anyway haven't put up links to the Daily Bread devotional for a long time... but i figured dis entry in the devotional is realli relevant to some ppl i know.... here it is *click!*.... oh.. pls do read the passage frm the bible too [clicky on the linky]... realli puts into context wat the entry's tokin abt...

i guess few of us wonder.... watz there to life? izzit all abt studying real hard... getting a great fantastic piece of paper called a certificate... getting a job with a big fat 5 figure monthly pay.. n start planning retirement frm there? or perhaps a less stereotypical objective to life... juz studying hard to get to qualifications to do wat i wanna do.... no matter how low-paying or unappealing the job is to the masses? wat is it to life?

i guess dis devotional entry allows us a glimpse at wat life realli shld be... life is more than personal achievements.... or an outstanding social status... or wateva... there shld be a more in-depth perspective into life... something more long-term... more far-reaching... something like... eternity... i guess as budding little youngsters we dun realli see the need to look into dis kinda stuff.... but i guess starting early allows us more time to change our lives in the direction of these "eternal goals"...

tink abt it... there's nth in dis world dat we can bring with us in death.... hehe... we can't even bring our own bodies with us for crying out loud... so wat is social status? wat is wealth? or wat even is enlightenment? our bodies n minds r juz left here n wat we bring with us is our essence.... our soul... we bring with us not knowledge... as knowledge has no use to us in death... but beliefs... faith... hope...

well... will juz leave u with this short thought... didn't haf much inspiration todae but figured i REALLI REALLI haf to put dis down... juz feel dat itz my duty to share dis with fellow frenz who may be trudging aimlessly down the road of life... juz as most of the ppl ard my age would.. (i realli dunno but i'm guessing dis is the truth in living in the phase between teenhood n adulthood...)

aemaeth... truth?

hey ppl... i'm baq again.... sorry for the sudden random occurences.... i'm sortof in a random sporadic unpredictable mood now.. hehe... anyway... realli didn't know wat to do with myself... so juz tot of blogging... so pls dun mind me if i juz come up with points dat r devoid of any sign of coherence or relation to each other.... hehe..

well.. anyway came across quite a bit of realli.... eh... stuff dat i somehow tink abt... wun say itz thought-provoking.... somehow i tink "thought-provoking" wouldn't match my current state of mind.. hehe... somehow... *shrugz* firstly itz dat "butterfly effect" thingie dat i haf been introduced to by fish n twj... realli weird stuff... proposes dat a flap of a butterfly's wing in Brazil can cause a typhoon somewhere else in the world.... far-fetched.... but an intriguing idea nonetheless.... well.. it'll take millions or even billions of years between the flapping of the wing n the typhoon due to dissipation of energy (info accredited to ben tan).. but wat if such a theory were true in cases where "energy" is irrelevant? how abt social systems? psychology? hmm... can't tink of anything else at the present moment.... but tink abt it... wat if a small decision on our part to do or to "not do" something would cause a revolutionary change in some other place? wat if helping someone buy a drink now could result in helping a poor boy somewhere else become a millionaire when he grows up? u'll nv know... many other e.g's... but yeah... wun type them all coz it'll be a long read of juz examples.. haha..

well.. talking abt dis strange theory... reminds me of chaos theory... the quest to find a certain order in apparent disarray.... there seems to be some kind of pattern dat "chaos" in most forms keep to... or so itz proposed.... going into n out of phases of predictability n unpredictability in a certain pattern.... feels so weird to tink of the prospects of this... chaos... an entity dat supposedly can't be expressed in any way other than language.... now being expressed mathematically.... imagine wat will happen in future.... can our lives be expressed mathematically too? can all our thought processes be given a constant, be they sane or insane, rational or irrational? can our once unpredictable psyche be expressed according to a formula according to each person's background n other variables? interesting but at the same time scary thought...

well.. enuff of these irrelevant thoughts.... they're best left to mathematicians, aka "those-with-too-much-time-n-brainpower", to tink abt... amateurs like me shldn't be dwelling on such thoughts.... there r better things to tink abt... like the coming A's.... O_O... well... abt the A's.... i'm NOT PREPARED.... AT ALL.... i guess itz a repeat of the O's.... gg into the exam hall in a unprepared n rather sorry state..... but i guess i gotta do something abt it.... i'm NOT gonna let history repeat itself.... firstly coz i'm not a history student... secondly coz dis concerns wat i'm gonna do after NS.... which is onli 2 yrs out of my many many many yrs after NS? yes.... GANBATTE EVERYONE! itz onli a month to go b4 liberation n laziness sets in.... ^.^V

hmm... on to another thought.... juz finished watching the entire series of ghost in the shell.... some chim sci-fi anime... can be gory too... but juz wondering... wat makes a human human? izzit intelligence - the ability to analyse n utilise wateva our environment provides us with? or izzit conscience - the psychological unit or moral discernment? or perhaps (to some) the soul - something dat i can't explain bcoz of itz extremely close similarities to the mind? well... the idea of being fitted with cyberbrains in the future n, with the advance of cybernetic technology, being able to transfer ur mind between cyborgs... wat makes a human human? we all know itz not the flesh coz all other animals r made up of some material substance... so juz wat izzit? to me.... i tink it is an awareness of our being... an awareness of our existence in dis three dimensional plane in the presence of time... an awareness dat things dun juz appear out of no where... dat we haf to be created somehow.... this brings abt religion... tink abt it... y dun we see monkeys worshipping their favorite fruit tree? or killer whales tinking twice abt attacking their prey when they're hungry? perhaps if i take it one step further... i tink religion is wat makes us human....

ok... i tink i haf typed long enuff... perhaps i dun even know wat i'm typing.. hahaha... oh well... *shrugz* i leave it to u to decipher wat i'm writing.. hahaha.. :P well dun fret if u dun understand wat i'm writing abt (dun tink u would anyway... hehe)... all these thoughts r irrelevant anyway n r onli food for thought... nth dat will help us in any practical way in our daily lives... but if u want something to munch on if u're bored... perhaps u can pick out little points here n there... hehe... so til the nxt entry... enjoy~.. ^^

I...

hehe.. juz leaving a short note... sorry for the lack of updates.... haven't been inspired to blog lately.. dunno y... muz be the stress... having to deal with the different minute phases in life.... blah blah blah...

niway juz thought dat i'll voice my thoughts in dis entry.... well.. itz not so much of a reflective entry than an entry dat appeals for a response.. hehe..

been thinking lately of wat kinda impression i give ppl... i guess most ppl i know tink i'm veri bubbly n carefree... always trying to see the lighter side of thingz n perhaps even to a point of not being serious at all....

well.. therein is the matter to ponder over: izzit bcoz of such an impression i give to ppl dat ppl can't be close to me? coz they tink dat i can't take anything seriously... dat even when ppl tell me their probz/concerns i'll juz make a joke or a lame comment out of it...

but at the same time i dun wanna give ppl my dreary (but rather unseen i guess) impression.... i tink dat will realli put ppl off or even scare them away... hehe... i guess my bubbly self is juz a front... if i may juz spill the beans... coz i know my usual self is not a veri impressive one.. hehe... i know i'm not always in the know... ppl tok n gossip abt dis event or dat person n i dun even haf half a clue wat the heck's gg on...

i guess itz bcoz of dis kinda impression i give dat ppl can't take me seriously in the rare event dat i am ACTUALLY serious.... itz a disgusting feeling to haf someone kid over something u're veri serious abt... n believe me... i know when to be serious coz i know when to draw the line.... if it isn't so obvious i'll juz respond appropriately to an outright "i'm serious..."

dunno y i juz wanna express my thoughts in dis entry... mabye i'll even look baq at dis entry in future n tink "man... y did i even tink of dis crap"... well.. juz got a feeling i shld voice it out....

niway on with the matter at hand... guess i dun haf many close frenz coz of dis "happy go lucky" impression as well as the "he's doing so well in sch n life... he doesn't need my help" impression.... well... to tell u the truth... i'm juz as normal as anyone else n i do need help too.... maybe not academically... but perhaps socially? life isn't all abt sch... there r other areas to develop too... guess my circumstances do not allow for me to develop socially... maybe not... i'm confused...

i apologise for the self-centred nature of dis entry n i apologise further if it puts u off... but i juz need ur thoughts on dis... as a matter of self-consciousness.... and as a matter of self-improvement... if u haf anything against me or anything u tink i need to know... pls tag... i'm more than happy to change accordingly.... ur response is veri much appreciated... *bows*.. so tilt he nxt entry in the not so near future.... cyaz.. ^^

inspiration... *breath deep*

well... nth much to write abt the weekend.. hehe... but juz came across something veri interesting n perhaps inspiring dat i would like to put down lest i forget.. hehe..

well.. guess i'll put it down veri briefly... waz gg thru the mtv webbie to check for dis week's hitlist charts.. (no tee... i'm not a chart follower.... hehe..) then came across dis section where the mtv vj's do some Q&A thingie n saw donita there... haven't seen her ard for a loooong time so i figured i'll be a kay poh n juz check it out to see wazzup with her...

so i waz reading all the silly stuff n i came across something dat realli interested me... in fact i found it quite unusual for it to be found in a celebrities' reply to questions... *quote* "I will say that I am very secure in who I am as a human being and although there are many detractors out there, there is a peace inside of me that no one can take away. It’s that peace and joy that the "Big Guy" upstairs has placed in me that definitely emanates through the screen to those that watch!!!" *end quote* at first i tot it waz some "for-the-sake-of-it" kinda statement... but as i read on... i found dat God waz actually a veri real part of her life...

itz hard to find celebs openly talking abt their faith n sharing it with everyone... come to tink of it i wonder y.... izzit because God is juz an ideology to them? or izzit because they're so full of themselves dat they choose to acknowledge their own hard work n their own talents instead of attributing such talents n opportunities to God?? i dunno... coz obviously i'm not a celeb.. haha.. but donita's veri unique i muz say... n her courage for not being afraid of speaking abt her faith in God to her fans is realli something worthy of (at least my) utmost salutations....

well... actually didn't realise her conviction until i checked out her biography on her fan site... God's a real BIG part of her life.... in everything she does... God's always present in her mind.... even in wat kind of life she wanted to lead.... she committed it to God... most of the time ppl in the showbiz get famous n then they let it get to their heads n they forget the ones who brought them there until they get a grammy n then start thanking their parents in dat one sentence of perhaps their entire lifes shld they get onli one grammy.... but in donita's case.. she didn't forget the role of God in her life... n i'm impressed with dat...

most christians (well.. at least for me..) tend to put up a front when they're not in a so-called "holy" environment like at school or at work.. i guess itz bcoz of dat unpopularity dat comes with being religious... everyone wants to be accepted in society... n dat usually means putting God aside n conforming to the culture of society... i feel dat i'm guilty of dat most of the time...

after reading abt her... i feel so inspired.... coz usually ppl associate Christians to ppl who do white-collar jobs... who r always veri serious ppl... sometimes ppl tink dat most christians r rich ppl... but she juz doesn't fit into the usual stereotype of a Christian.... n yet... she's one n a veri staunch (if i may say) one at it... so it doesn't matter where u r or wat job u're in... u still can be a veri strong Christian in wateva u do... anyway God has blessed her with a gd-looking n hopefully nice husband n recently a healthy kid.... u go girl.. haha.. *zi bi*

ok... said dat i'll make it brief... but i guess itz not so brief anymore... hehe... so tilt he nxt entry.. ciaoz... ^^

reminisce....

hey ppl.... baq with another update... wanted to update like everyday but yeah... got distracted as usual.. haha... niway todae marks the beginning of the unofficial "study break".. coz sch's still on for nxt week... :/ but yeah... a study break to speak abt is definitely a gd start.. ^^

nxt week starting on morning-only timetable.... as in gtg to sch in teh morning for lects onli... then the whole afternoon is for u to mug/waste* (delete where appropriate) away... oh well... works for me... at least i wun be like some other ppl.... come baq to sch for onli 1 lect... sad life...

niway dun haf much to tok abt todae... will juz do a bit of a reflection i guess.... since todae is the so-called "last day" of sch proper... i guess itz natural to tink abt the pass 2 yrs of ur life u've spent in the sch.... i muz say my first yr wasn't a veri "gd" yr per say... still had qualms over being in NY.... n all dat nonsense.... still tinkin of SOC.... still in J1 mood.... relaking one corner like dat.... weren't realli talkin much to me classmates.... n i guess me classmates weren't comfortable with opening up to each other as well... guyz kept to themselves... gerz kept to themselves.... not much unity... yah.. n all dat crap... it waz real crappy.... altho it isn't the main reason y i didn't like NY...

second yr.... well... started off more or less the same... but i guess i opened up more to ppl in NY after the talentime thingie.... yeah... dat waz like sometime in march i guess.... after the J1's got baq their O's results.... yeah.... i guess i had some form of association with something or some ppl by being in a band.... n oso had fun jamming.... tho had to lug me silly violin all over the place.... haha... but rememebering the song we performed realli gives a deep nostalgic feeling.... with a tinge of sadness as well esp at such a time like dis... yeah.. the song waz "yesterday n today" by do as infinity... the first part of the lyrics is realli meaningful... "dear frenz... so long... wasurenai..." *sad* (for ur info... wasurenai = unforgettable... something to dat effect i guess.. hehe.. help me out fritz..) itz a sad gdbye song... ironically we sang it at the beginning of the yr when we were starting to warm up to each other.... hehe.. the simple funny ironies of life... *smirk*

well... got to reconcile my so-called "grudges" against NY dis yr... which is a gd thing... dat means i can move on with life... w/o stagnating n rotting at a particular spot in life... i guess itz dat static state n reluctance to adapt to the situation dat tends to make ppl immature.... i know i feel immature abt the way i felt last yr when i tink abt it now.. hehe...for those with regrets in life.... juz leave them be n move on with life... or else u'll nv EVER develop a deeper character... i do haf regrets in life dat i know i cannot lay to rest forever... but i juz try not to tink abt them.... the present calls for being able to let go of the past n moving in anticipation of the future....

niway abt classmates.... i guess i haf said dis b4... they're a colourful bunch... frm different walks of life... me being the odd one out i guess.. hehe... but i'm fine with it... in fact i'm appreciative of this fact... this means i get to immerse myself in different cultures.... different interests... different thought-processes... different personalities.... all these make a person acquire a balanced personality n allows one to mature more "wholesomely" thru recognising both the glam of the so-called "ang-moh" sch's n the "down-to-earth-ness" of the so-called "cheena/neighbourhood" sch's.... i can live with dat...as mentioned b4... i wouldn't haf learnt many of the life lessons drawn in my time in NY in any other sch.... each having their own distinct n unique chemistry n culture.... so MB... i guess there r lessons in NY which u couldn't haf learnt in ur SOC as well... hope dat helps u resolve ur "problem" with NY.. haha... :)

well... one regret i haf is dat i guess we as a class have onli started opening up to each other towards the second half of the yr.... i regret not trying to open up to u ppl earlier.... but i guess dis can't be helped... even if i wanted to... not many ppl would haf wanted to in a situation like last yr's... well... as i mentioned... dun live with regrets... juz move on n i guess we gotta make best of the time we haf left as a class b4 we go our seperate ways.... guyz to NS (bleahz)... gerz to their respective local or some overseas universities... we'll meet other ppl... n dis bond of frenship may not last.... no matter how many times we meet a yr... sooner or later we will haf our own commitments n we wun be able to meet each other as oftenly as we want to... perhaps we may not even want to meet up in future due to all these commitments.... so i guess we shld treasure n cherish it while it lasts presently....

waz tinking of setting CNY as a annual meeting time for out class.... then we can lou1 hei2 together each yr.... catch up with each other... rmb the times we spent together.... haha... sound like so old.... but yeah... i'm serious abt the annual meeting thingie... :)

itz been a great 1 yr i guess.. hehe... last yr waz... hmm.. okok larz... but i muz say dat i realli enjoyed myself in the presence of such frenz in sch when we r as a class.... i guess many (i wun say all.. hehe..) would like to stick with each other for a longer time at least.... but as they say.... (loosely translated) "there is no banquet under heaven dat doesn't end"... datz the sad part abt life... but oh well.. we gotta live with it.... *smirk*

well... i guess wateva happens.... we gotta take charge of our own future.... of course not at the expense of others ard u.... i like the song "drive" by incubus... sounds like some gothic heavy metal but nah.... itz a veri nice easy-gg song... with veri meaningful lyrics... it calls out to all to take charge of our own lives... get the mp3 to appreciate the song better.. hehe.. enjoy~ :)

Drive
By Incubus

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.

Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there.

So, if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
Aah-ah-oo-o-o.

It's driven me before and it seems to be the way
that everyone else gets around.
But lately I'm beginning to find that when
I drive myself my light is found.

Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeahhh
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there...I'll be there.

Would you choose water over wine....hold the wheel and drive?

Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there.
Do do do do do do do do

ok.. itz a long entry... n i tink i've been tinking too much abt dis kinda sad stuff... gotta give myself a break.. haha.. :P so til the nxt entry... ciaoz~... :)