the dark side of the moon...
hi ppl.... sorry... haven't been blogging for a month now... been bz with work.... but since now i'm finally off work... i tink i'll juz spend some time writing down my thoughts... dis shld prove to be a veri negative exercise so readers' discretion is adviced....
well.... recently we've been experiencing many close encounters with death.... i apologise if i do offend or rekindle feelings of grief to whoever reads this.... but i feel dat i muz put it down.... if not for others at least for my mental n emotional well-being.... if u're reading dis yk, pls scroll to the nxt para... i dun wanna hurt u again.... well anyway y the sudden talk abt death? i guess i can safely say dat, at least in singapore, i've seen death datz at least somehow associated to me more than anyone else my age... however each time i look death in the face... itz sting is still there... i attended yk's dad's funeral the other day... and the feelings were juz so real to me.... coz i remembered the hurt i felt when my grandma passed away.... itz been 6-7 yrs since dat incident.... n i tot i've alreadi gotten over it.... but seeing yk's state of being after the whole thing..... the way he juz huddled up in one corner... the way he cried... it all juz felt so darn real to me.... i've been somewhere there b4.... n itz not a nice feeling to experience once again.... it realli stung my heart....
but watz the use of reflecting on it? i couldn't or maybe didn't do anything abt it.... oh sure... i can give myself the excuse dat so many ppl were crowding ard him... i couldn't get to him.... blah blah blah.... but still...i knew and still know dat i could haf done something.... something to make him feel better... something to bring baq some order to the mindlessness of the distress in his mind.... i juz feel like a useless stranger who juz so happened to be there for the sake of it.... talk abt frenship... i've nv known true frenship.... n therefore i'll juz dwell in the blatant excuse dat datz y i dunno how to offer such frenship to someone in need....
true frenship.... nv in my life haf i acqired such frenship..... mine were all temporal... if they were even there in the first place.... i'm more of an acquaintance than a fren frm everyone's perspective..... sure i join ppl for activities.... sometimes they invite u to join in.... wateva.... but there's still dat barrier.... dat distance frm ppl... there's no one i can relate to.... and no one who would wanna relate to me in the first place..... there isn't even a place for me to fit in ANYWHERE... i figured God placed me in such a position so dat i'll be independent n i wun expect a lot frm ppl when i do them a favour or wateva.... somehow i feel used all the time but i'll juz hold my peace.... i'm onli needed when ppl noe i can help them out.... when there's nth i can help them with, i'm juz left in the toolbox n forgotten til they need me again....
but guess wat? i'll juz be a fren anyway... i dun care.... fine if u juz use me... i've been made to be used.... i'll juz accept my role in life n shut the hell up... forget me.... i wun care.... coz no one would care in the first place... it wun make a difference to anyone whether i've existed or not... if i did not exist there r still many other ppl who r more than capable to take my place.... bottomline: i'll still be a fren to everyone to the best of my ability... use me however u one as long as it is within my power n moral standards.... i'll juz be used n juz fade to black.....
life is shit but someone's gotta live out the shit..... n i've been the most fortunate one to be picked..... if a shit like me juz bothers u or irritates u in anyway... juz frontstab me..... i'll juz fade to black n u'll nv hear frm me again... i live to enrich ppl's life.... if anyone's not confortable with me... so be it.... i'll juz move aside n try not to be a pest..... if u wanna noe abt true frenship... look elsewhere.... u'll nv find it frm me....i'm juz a tool dat others use and such frenship is totally foreign to me....
if u would wanna offer me such frenship... i'll be more than happy to accept ur offer.... but as it is.... no one's interested so i'll juz continue to be the forgotten tool left in the toolbox.... juz waiting for an occasional soul to open up the toolbox n by some weird chance suddenly find me n use me.... onli to be put baq in the toolbox n be forgotten.... as i haf said i haf alreadi accepted my piece in life n i'll juz know my role n shut my mouth....
oh b4 i forget i do haf a poem to share...
somehow i long for such ideal frenships dat do last..... but alas.....it is not so for me.... so i'll juz squirm in self-pity and let u ppl benchmark against me n let u feel dat no matter how alone u feel.... at least u haf frenz to count on unlike me..... frenz i always come across... but those r temporal n in the end.... i'm juz a name to be known but it doesn't matter a bit if dat person's my fren or not.... coz it wouldn't make any difference if i had existed or not existed in the person's life at all.... tink abt it... onli abt let's say 200-300 ppl know me or at least know abt me.... but watz dat compared to 6 billion other ppl in the world who dun know me? they still lead their own lives without me.... they dun need me to exist at all.... so if 6 billion ppl can survive without me.... watz 200-300 ppl? dun worry abt taking me for granted or anything.... i'm used to it... i've lived with it all my life.... nth new for me... juz go ahead with ur own frenz.... use me whenever i'm needed.... datz wat i'm made to be.... the forgotten tool....
well... as i've said dis entry will be negative n whether u care abt it or not it doesn't matter.... i'm juz putting it up for records sake.... perhaps 20 yrs down the road i'll look at dis entry again n find dat i'm still be the same frenless tool left in the same toolbox.... well... hopefully the nxt entry will be more uplifting.... so hope for the nxt entry to come soon.... ciaoz....
well.... recently we've been experiencing many close encounters with death.... i apologise if i do offend or rekindle feelings of grief to whoever reads this.... but i feel dat i muz put it down.... if not for others at least for my mental n emotional well-being.... if u're reading dis yk, pls scroll to the nxt para... i dun wanna hurt u again.... well anyway y the sudden talk abt death? i guess i can safely say dat, at least in singapore, i've seen death datz at least somehow associated to me more than anyone else my age... however each time i look death in the face... itz sting is still there... i attended yk's dad's funeral the other day... and the feelings were juz so real to me.... coz i remembered the hurt i felt when my grandma passed away.... itz been 6-7 yrs since dat incident.... n i tot i've alreadi gotten over it.... but seeing yk's state of being after the whole thing..... the way he juz huddled up in one corner... the way he cried... it all juz felt so darn real to me.... i've been somewhere there b4.... n itz not a nice feeling to experience once again.... it realli stung my heart....
but watz the use of reflecting on it? i couldn't or maybe didn't do anything abt it.... oh sure... i can give myself the excuse dat so many ppl were crowding ard him... i couldn't get to him.... blah blah blah.... but still...i knew and still know dat i could haf done something.... something to make him feel better... something to bring baq some order to the mindlessness of the distress in his mind.... i juz feel like a useless stranger who juz so happened to be there for the sake of it.... talk abt frenship... i've nv known true frenship.... n therefore i'll juz dwell in the blatant excuse dat datz y i dunno how to offer such frenship to someone in need....
true frenship.... nv in my life haf i acqired such frenship..... mine were all temporal... if they were even there in the first place.... i'm more of an acquaintance than a fren frm everyone's perspective..... sure i join ppl for activities.... sometimes they invite u to join in.... wateva.... but there's still dat barrier.... dat distance frm ppl... there's no one i can relate to.... and no one who would wanna relate to me in the first place..... there isn't even a place for me to fit in ANYWHERE... i figured God placed me in such a position so dat i'll be independent n i wun expect a lot frm ppl when i do them a favour or wateva.... somehow i feel used all the time but i'll juz hold my peace.... i'm onli needed when ppl noe i can help them out.... when there's nth i can help them with, i'm juz left in the toolbox n forgotten til they need me again....
but guess wat? i'll juz be a fren anyway... i dun care.... fine if u juz use me... i've been made to be used.... i'll juz accept my role in life n shut the hell up... forget me.... i wun care.... coz no one would care in the first place... it wun make a difference to anyone whether i've existed or not... if i did not exist there r still many other ppl who r more than capable to take my place.... bottomline: i'll still be a fren to everyone to the best of my ability... use me however u one as long as it is within my power n moral standards.... i'll juz be used n juz fade to black.....
life is shit but someone's gotta live out the shit..... n i've been the most fortunate one to be picked..... if a shit like me juz bothers u or irritates u in anyway... juz frontstab me..... i'll juz fade to black n u'll nv hear frm me again... i live to enrich ppl's life.... if anyone's not confortable with me... so be it.... i'll juz move aside n try not to be a pest..... if u wanna noe abt true frenship... look elsewhere.... u'll nv find it frm me....i'm juz a tool dat others use and such frenship is totally foreign to me....
if u would wanna offer me such frenship... i'll be more than happy to accept ur offer.... but as it is.... no one's interested so i'll juz continue to be the forgotten tool left in the toolbox.... juz waiting for an occasional soul to open up the toolbox n by some weird chance suddenly find me n use me.... onli to be put baq in the toolbox n be forgotten.... as i haf said i haf alreadi accepted my piece in life n i'll juz know my role n shut my mouth....
oh b4 i forget i do haf a poem to share...
Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.
New-made friendships, like new wine,
Age will mellow and refine.
Friendships that have stood the test,-
Time and change - are surely best;
Brow may wrinkle, hair grow gray,
Friendship never knows decay.
For'mid old friends, tried and true,
once more we our youth renew.
But old friends, Alas! may die,
new friends must their place supply.
Cherish friendship in your breast -
New is good, but old is best;
Make new friends but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.
somehow i long for such ideal frenships dat do last..... but alas.....it is not so for me.... so i'll juz squirm in self-pity and let u ppl benchmark against me n let u feel dat no matter how alone u feel.... at least u haf frenz to count on unlike me..... frenz i always come across... but those r temporal n in the end.... i'm juz a name to be known but it doesn't matter a bit if dat person's my fren or not.... coz it wouldn't make any difference if i had existed or not existed in the person's life at all.... tink abt it... onli abt let's say 200-300 ppl know me or at least know abt me.... but watz dat compared to 6 billion other ppl in the world who dun know me? they still lead their own lives without me.... they dun need me to exist at all.... so if 6 billion ppl can survive without me.... watz 200-300 ppl? dun worry abt taking me for granted or anything.... i'm used to it... i've lived with it all my life.... nth new for me... juz go ahead with ur own frenz.... use me whenever i'm needed.... datz wat i'm made to be.... the forgotten tool....
well... as i've said dis entry will be negative n whether u care abt it or not it doesn't matter.... i'm juz putting it up for records sake.... perhaps 20 yrs down the road i'll look at dis entry again n find dat i'm still be the same frenless tool left in the same toolbox.... well... hopefully the nxt entry will be more uplifting.... so hope for the nxt entry to come soon.... ciaoz....
da-wei waz not lazy @ 10:20 PM
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