on power... on regrets....

heyoz ppl.... exams r over!! n now's the "dunno wat to do nxt" time of my life yet again.... finally got some inspiration to write something after being able to find to time to watch a movie... haha.... so yeah... i'll do up an entry while i tink of wat to do with myself nxt...

anyway juz watched the show "schindler's list" juz now at home... n i rented the dvd for the show... no piracy involved! (surprised? haha.. :P) well anyway somehow i haf dis affinity for dis kinda sad gloomy shows... not dat i enjoy living in gloom... but instead.... it brings u baq to reality... it gives u small glimpses of the real brutalities or perversities of the world.... if i were to put it mroe pessimistically.. shows like these really do show us dat life n the world really isn't a bed of roses... even if it were... mind u roses do haf thorns n sleeping on a bed of roses wouldn't be the best of ideas (kekeke :P)... n somehow they haf gd soundtracks too.. hehe.. :P

for those who dunno wat the heck dis show is abt... to cut a 3 hr long story to a less than 5 mins short story.... itz abt dis guy oskar schindler who was a german businessman during world war 2 n at first he hired jews to work in his factory n earh big bucks but later on managed to "buy over" 1100 jews frm the concentration camps n "sheltered" them in his factory until the war ended.... thus saving the lives of these 1100 jews frm the holocaust during the war....

well.. there r a few points to bring out of dis show... but i guess i'll juz discuss abt one of them dat i've be munching on.... n dat is abt "power"... our general perception of power is control over others... bringing them out of wat they wanna do n forcing them to do wat u want them to... but schindler's idea of power is rather different... (rough) quote: "Killing people as a punishment for their crime is not power.... itz justice.... power is when u haf every justification n right to kill a person.... n u pardon him..."

i tink datz a veri interesting perception of power... n i believe datz my personal perception of power as well -- power comes frm self-control... find the ability to control the entirety of urself... ur mind.. ur body... ur impulsions.... n the ability to control other things ard u will naturally come.... like ppl... or the environment... or circumstances.... take dis case for example... in an argument: u'll haf a higher chance to control the opposition to tink along the same lines as u n keeping a level-head n an objective mindset while bringing across ur point... rather than to exchange a flurry of offensive, impulsive n often unfounded statements at each other.... dis is power over another person's mind....

if the opposition does not show any sign of being able to be convinced... the ability to control ur tongue while taking the verbal attacks frm ur opposition n resisting the urge to retaliate is a form of power.... power over the circumstances.... power to kill an argument b4 it escalates into something worse than an argument... the power to pardon....

since i haf not been writing for so long i guess i'll juz add in another point for ur reading "pleasure".. haha.. :P well anyway towards the end of the show... when germany lost the war n schindler had to go into hiding bcoz he waz frm the nazi party... schindler saw the jews dat he had saved b4 he left... n he waz filled with remorse as he said "i could haf saved more...." while estimating how many jews he could haf saved if he sold dis or dat n if he hadn't wasted most of his money on luxurious living...

the point i wanna make is.... dun live life with regrets.... coz pass mistakes can nv be changes n u'll live in the horror of dat mistake for the rest of ur life... even if it slowly moves to the baq of ur mind as time passes.... i know i haf some regrets in life.... especially with regards to my grandparents.... many wrongs i did... many things i did not do... if i juz quieten my mind n tink baq on those events i still do hurt in my heart... datz y i choose not to tink abt it most of the time.... but the fact is they're still there n they will resurface once in awhile to make u feel bad abt urself.....

so the bottomline is: do wat u wanna do as long as it is lawfully n morally upright... dun live to regret abt something u did not do when u could haf done it... coz life will be veri miserable when ur list of regrets stacks up....

anyway i guess i'll end here.. kinda tired coz i woke up damn early in the morning to exercise n ended up feeling veri horrible coz i haven't been exercising for a long time n dis morning's stint waz kinda like a shock to my body.. hehe... so yeah.. need some rest... so til the nxt entry... ciaoz... ^^

ps: sorry abt the "overly-realistic" entry... juz posting my thoughts.... pls do look forward to more uplifting entries in future... hehe.. :P

my "wishlist"...

hey ppl... juz thought i'll blog abt something datz been on my mind for the longest time n i've started tinking abt it in light of recent events... well... as i haf stated n reinstate now.... i'm juz using dis blog as a record of my thoughts in case they're lost in time.. but pls feel free to read my thoughts... literally.. haha.. niway pls dun mind the grammatical n spelling mistakes i may make along the way... dunno y my typing's a bit off todae.. hehe..

waz hanging out with tee the other day... suppose to find some place to study in orchard but i guess we took a gargantuan detour n ended up walking up n down orchard looking at stuffz.. haha.. niway waz following ard looking at stuff dat tee wanted to look at.... in light of the coming xmas festivities, had a small glimpse of watz in his wishlist... didn't bother to tink much abt my own wishlist tho.... nv realli had one to talk abt in the first place.. hehe...

well.. not until todae.... todae's msg for the church sermon waz abt being ministers for God.... well... had nth to do abt wishlists but i haf to admit... my thoughts strayed.. hehe.. but waz tinking abt wat i wished to haf at xmas.... n dis dormant feeling juz resurfaced n filled my heart n mind... it waz a wish dat i haven't thought abt for quite some time.... as some of u ppl may noe... i'm a person of little wants.. but dis has been a "want" dat i had since i realli got to know the Lord in a veri personal way...

well... dat want is dat i would like at least.... JUZ ONE of my frenz to get to know the Lord n come to believe in dis faith dat i haf.... well... perhaps a slightly more "repulsive" term for dis is conversion... hehe.. i guess dis want waz born out of the lack of ppl my age in church.... n wanting to fill dat age gap... but as i grew a bit in my faith.... i juz simply want my frenz who i realli care abt to benefit out frm dis faith i haf.... not bcoz i gain anything out of it... coz frankly i dun get money or fame out of doing this.... but bcoz i realli wanna share watz been helping me in my life n in my development as a person with others...

well.. perhaps i haven't been dat great an example datz y ppl dun see watz so gd abt my faith... perhaps if there were a way to compare wat i could haf been without Christianity in my life with wat i am now it will be more convincing... but since there isn't such a thing i guess i'm confined to convincing ppl with the way i am now... *shrugz*

but if u ask me wat i realli want for xmas... or watz my wishlist for xmas... actually i dun realli haf a wish"LIST" persay but a wish... n after reading dis entry u shld noe.. hehe.. well... there's some church xmas lunch 25th dec... so i f u wanna go juz let me noe... i'll be most happy to bring u along.. ^^ well... u may call my want selfish or something to dat effect... coz it concerns changing another person's life to satisfy my want... but yeah... who says wants can't be selfish? haha.. n believe me... satisfying dis want has positive externalities.... hehe...

bleahz.... i myself feel uncomfortable writing abt dis coz i dun wanna be thought as someone who's a conversion freak... gg all over the place looking for ppl to convert to christianity... but at the same time i realli do wish the best for my frenz... bahz... if i dun realli mind dis entry then do take dis want of mine seriously... if u feel uncomfortable abt reading it then juz forget it... dun wanna impose anything on anyone..... so til the nxt entry... ciaoz..

PS: hey... got a new trophy.... got a cool jap name... kawazoe kazuki... haha.. yatta... ^_^V

for the recordzzzz....

bleahz.... got me silly enlistment letter todae.... i'm in the "free admission swimming club"... yesh yesh.... nth much to blog abt on dis but yeah.. juz for the records.. hehe.... :P

in the empty void....

hey there ppl.... in the midst of a short period of "paperlessness"... meaning to say dat there aren't any papers for almost a week!.. anyway today's entry is not a result of inspiration but rather the lack of it....

being in the midst of an exam is tough.... especially when u haf breaks like these... i'm sure at least some who r gg these times of mental taxation would empathise...

somehow in the midst of this period of paperlessness there's this queer sense of loss.... loss of motivation... loss of purpose.... even loss of a will to go thru the day... knowing dat the day ahead would either end in total waste without studying or end in total exhaustion frm studying.....

exams r tough periods of time.... not solely bcoz of the papers... in fact for some itz not due to the papers at all... but due to the psychological n spiritual strain placed on a person.... to ensure gd results.... to juz pull thru the exams... to continue to study tho u're so darn sick of it.... to try to keep to commitments while knowing dat focussing ur energies on the exams alone is alreadi touching the limits of ur mental n spiritual strength...

i guess itz times like these dat we haf to learn to rely on God's strength in weakness (taken frm 2 Corinthians 12:8-10).... up to now i still can't seem to grasp the essence of dis lesson.... strength in weakness... perhaps i haven't found dat strength yet... perhaps i onli know how to wallow in my inadequacies.... but i dunno how to learn or even to grasp dis concept... weakness has always juz been weakness to me... having strength in weakness means dat u're alreadi strong... wherein does the weakness come in?

in dis phase of purposeless existence i realli dunno wat to do with myself.... there's a want to do something but at the same time.... there's nothing i wanna do... perplexing n frustrating indeed.... i guess there's nth much i can do besides blogging.... afterwhich i'll juz ghost ard the place.. drifting aimlessly to who-knows-where.... sorry for the depressing entry but i guess i juz need to voice these out somewhere somehow.... for those who feel the same.. juz know dat u're not alone... for those who don't.... juz be wary dat there r those who do.... guess i'll embark on my aimless "ghosting ard" quest now... so til the nxt more uplifting entry... ciaoz...

thoughts while u're "high"..... ;)

hey there ppl.... juz had a veri interesting thought... didn't tink i'd haf any inspiration to blog but it is indeed veri interesting.... haha...

niway haf u ever thought wat it realli will be like in heaven? as in seriously n in great detail? haha.. well... i dunno in great detail but juz had some veri interesting propositions abt wat we probably will be like in heaven...

well as most of u all know n most probably agree with.... we leave our earthly physical selves behind n our souls leave for the "thereafter".... but ever thought wat our souls will look like? of course we in physical form cannot even try to fathom the appearances of spiritual entities for the simple fact dat they're spiritual in nature n do not conform to our usual concepts of laws n theories... perhaps we'll juz be entities dat merely exist but without a form... an entity whose presence can merely be felt but can't be observed or be proven to exist by the physical laws of this realm....

so wat will it be like in heaven? will it be paved with golden streets n endless rows n blocks of mansions? i tink heaven is beyond dat... both figuratively n literally.. haha... it is hard to imagine heaven without a physical comparison i guess... so i guess we'll juz stick to golden roads n mansions.. haha... :P

anyway... since heaven is a spiritual n supposedly "higher" realm (no pun intended... or not? :P).... i guess our souls will function in far more superior ways than our physical being now.... i waz tinking... if differences in physical appearance is wat differentiates us frm another person in this physical realm of the universe... wat helps us to differentiate one person frm another in heaven? i'm coming frm the perspective dat we r in a much superior form than our present one n most certainly we would be using far more superior methods of distinguishing one frm another.... so i'm guessing dat in heaven... one person is distinguished frm another by the qualities n personalities of the soul of a person....

perhaps we wun "see" another person by sight but we "see" a person using our hearts.... put it in another way... we "feel" one person frm another.... for example... i "feel" dat Person A has a certain measure of different qualities... like this person is a veri encouraging person... althought he's not a veri outgoing person.... n dat distinguishes Person A frm Person B... who "feels" different because of a different measure of qualities in the person's soul... like Person B is a very cheerful person and is veri open to other ppl...

i guess as superior beings in heaven... we shld also function in a more superior way than we do in our present forms... so i tink we can tell wat another person's mood is by "feeling" the person's soul... like we can tell a person is happy coz we can "feel" his soul "radiate with joy"... or we can "feel" dat a person is feeling veri encouraged when u "feel" dat person having an "air of confidence" abt him... well.. i guess i can onli use these imagery to help bring across the jist of how we tell another person's mood... coz physically we cannot tell wat's gg thru a person's mind n we rely on "body language"... which may not be accurate coz the person may hide his true emotions behind a different "body language"...

hmm... kinda fun to tink abt all these stuffz.... altho it may be cheem but itz juz so cool to tink abt the possibilities dat can happen when we proceed to the "nxt world" as some will call it.... juz makes me kinda "look forward" to proceeding onto the nxt phase of existence.... but pls.... disclaimer: i'm not advocating premature death like committing suicide or getting urself killed... wat i mean to bring across is dat while living out dis life.... itz kinda fun to tink abt wat will happen to us n wat we will experience in the nxt life.... so i will anticipate it til the day when the time is right n God "calls me upstairs".. hehe... so ppl.... dun do anything silly yah? make the best out of dis life now in dis physical realm while preparing ur soul for the nxt step into the spiritual realm... :D

well... for the sake of tee n yh i will touch on the matter of "do rabbits go to heaven" in another entry... haha.. so til then.... cyaz~.. ^^