juz some introspection....

heyaz... been awhile since i last blogged... well since todae's a public holidae i guess i'll juz use some of my time to write me thoughts down... well.. dun realli haf much in mind realli... will juz type abt wat comes to mind i guess...

well anyway dis week's been quite a tiring week... been running abt the place looking for stuff to get things done.... sometimes it feels kinda sian to see urself running all over the place while other ppl r juz having the time of their lives... but i guess datz wat work is all abt.. onli thing is dat i dun get paid more to do extra stuffz.. haha... oh well.. i guess datz army for u...

anyway i digress... well i guess i haf to spend some time remembering wat the Lord has done for me dis week... realli.. many things juz fell into place without me having to do much at all... stuff like nt getting whacked when we were suppose to.. getting less PT then planned... being able to carry on with stuff even with so many hiccups all over the place... being able to function relatively properly even with all the fatigue i've gotten.... i guess the more i let go of the steering wheel of my life... the more life juz works out... itz juz a veri weird but reassuring phenomenon... heh..

well to be veri honest.... i dun tink i realli haf been keeping up my relationship with God... i tink i've become overly dependent on my own strength to get things done... if i'd put it roughly i tink i've become too self-centred... but wat's amazing is dat God still continues to work with my life.. helping me out at every corner regardless of my relationship with Him... reminds of the verse in Romans 8:38-39 -- "For i am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

but does dat mean i wouldn't bother myself with my relationship with God? certainly not... which normal person wouldn't appreciate wateva another person has helped him with in a big way? i do wanna build dat relationship... but of course i'm still struggling with dat self-centred side of me... n i realli dunno if i shld juz let dat part go or continue to actively work on it... coz i dunno wat the outcome will be if i juz let go... will i juz continue growing in my self-centredness n end up an obnoxious man saturated with arrogance? i realli haf no clue... n no answer... haiz...

well anyway i guess i sated my feeling to blog... heh... n i oso dunno wat to write abt anymore... but well.. i guess i haf much work to do... be it being actively involved or learning to let go.. well so til the nxt entry... ciaoz....

well here i am again... typing another entry... haha.. well anywayz... juz had some inspiration to blog... well.. coz of another unfortunate event....

tis sad to note dat i juz completed playing kingdom hearts 2 yesterdae... all those wondrous 30 hrs of playtime... juz ended spectaculourly n with a tinge of sadness as well... u noe.... when u put ur time n heart into doing something.. sometimes the end is juz hard to swallow...

well i'm nt hinting at any form of depression here... i'm too mature for dat.. hahaha... juz kidding... i still do haf minor bouts of dat.. but nt due to such reasons.. haha.. but well... the point i'm trying to make is dat itz interesting when everytime u reach the end of something... be it a tv serial... or a game... or a comic series.... esp in cases where u're attached to it somehow... there's always dis sense of emptiness... this feeling dat u've juz lost something in ur heart...

i guess datz y ppl hate goodbyes... with every goodbye a part of ur heart is lost.. itz as if a part of ur heart went away with wateva or whoever u haf bade ur farewell to... leaving behind dis emptiness... dis incomprehensable void... n ppl hate to feel empty anywhere in their hearts...

but i guess itz coz of dis emptiness dat everyone hopes to realise something eternal.. something dat doesn't end.... something dat will nv allow them to feel such emptiness again.... n i guess itz dis quest/search for eternity dat has lead many to seek religion... coz religion is the onli thing dat has stood for oh so long... well i'm nt seeking to be pro-christian here or anything... i'm juz trying to understand the workings behind the human mind n soul...

as i haf mentioned b4.. there's no never-ending banquet under heaven... everything comes to an end... be it shows... comics... passion... love... loved ones... ideals... the politics in a country... no matter how we look at it... they will eventually meet an end... the onli thing dat as stood the test of time is religion... n it will continue to til God knows when....

i feel religion is impt... coz it goes beyond the heart n the mind... it reaches to the depths of a person's soul... an area where nt many things in existence can touch... besides love n hate beyond the emotion i guess.... religion provides the basis n the drive for sustained existence in most cases... we see cases of ppl losing meaning in their lives... well itz nt merely bcoz they haf tried to find meaning in the wrong sources i.e. based on the circumstances in their lives... itz coz they dun haf a solid foundation on which they build their basis for existence on... in other words... their purpose in life...

we see in such cases they haf been living their lives for themselves... well sure they're successful... but their success is based on the basis of self-gratification.. n once they found the end of their self-gratification... they experience the same kind of emptiness dat comes with all endings... but dis time to a degree of near total emptiness... u see.. as humans... we constantly derive our energies frm other sources... physical sustenance frm nutrition... mental sustenance frm ideas/ideals... n thus... spiritual sustenance frm religion... we were nt made to be self-sustaining creatures n thus with dis obsession with self-gratification we find ourselves looking for treasure in nothingness... itz like trying to look for light in an abyss...

well... can't tink of anything more to say abt it... juz miss playing kingdom hearts 2... haha.. well.. i guess itz on to dynasty warriors 5 now... :P so til the nxt entry... ciaoz.. ^^