my burdensome neighbour

sighz... tis sad to notice dat i haven't been enjoying my weekends lately.... dunno y... could be tiredness... could juz be the lack of meaning or purpose in all things... i realli dunno.. but such lousy weekends r starting to get irritating... well someone mentioned dat i need a girlfriend... but nah... i guess dat'll onli provide a temporal sense of well-being n happiness.... as with most things dat i've come across n knowing my personality... many interests come n go for me rather quickly... so i realli dunno... unless there's some form of dynamism in the relationship dat can go along with me constant state of change...

but well... my objective isn't to write abt my current state of affairs... well.. perhaps juz a little... sometimes i juz do wish i could develop a more light-hearted but still interesting style of writing... but being who i am n due to the circumstances i face incessantly i guess my style has been sortof shaped n defined by these.... but then again... i dun intend to write on dis matter as well....

well again dis entry may be kinda depressing in a way coz of the mere nature of the subject matter... yesh... once again i'm gonna write abt the stark reality called death....

so wat triggered off such thoughts? am i suicidal/tired of living? nah... far frm it... instead itz due to the fact dat i've had another nasty knock on me door again.. well... itz nt dat i had a near-death experience kinda thing... juz dat remember dat fren, or rather acquaintance, i mentioned in me earlier entry where he waz in ICU? well... poor guy passed away.... well he isn't ard my age... maybe early middle age? but still.... the sting of death transcends age...

to me death is like my celebrity nxt-door neighbour... every once in awhile he'll juz drop by me place n say hi... then off he'll go abt his business... all too often u see him on the papers.. sometimes on the headlines.... sometimes in small sections... sometimes he's scrawled all over the entire newspaper... full of his infamous, albeit morbid, deeds.... i'll hardly see him at home coz of his busy lifestyle... sometimes i wonder where he gets his rest... but when he does pass by he juz pops by me place to remind me of his burdensome existence...

to me he's an unwanted neighbour... i dun like him at all despite his hospitality... but i doubt he has any plans to move out anytime soon.... veri frankly speaking i'm tired... burdened by death... maybe i'm juz being too sensitive... which shldn't be the case... but in any case... i'm tired of seeing the loss of ppl ard me whom i know personally.... i wish to celebrate life... but the knowledge of death merely acts as a incessant thorn... an ever-present stumbling block...

but ironically w/o the knowledge of death.. there would be no cause for the celebration of life... such carousel-like logic can realli be a pain in the ass... wherein can we find the balance? to celebrate life to itz fullest without being contaminated with the sting of death.... i guess datz another mystery dat would nv be fully unveiled....

well i guess i wun dwell on such a topic any longer... itz realli burdensome... indeed in much wisdom is much grief as it is so in knowledge as well... for now i wun wanna be near death in anyway... i'm juz tired of itz constant hounding... well i'll tink of something better to write abt in me nxt entry.. ciaoz..